On April 1, 2008 Lenore Skenazy launched a newspaper column "Why I Let My 9 Year Old Ride the Subway Alone" in the New York Sun. It was no April Fools joke- in fact, it was a shot heard round the parental world. She appeared on a number of news programs- from the Today Show to the BBC to defend her decision to allow her son this independence.
Freerangekids.com was born as a blog to defend what some considered her radical parenting methods, while others sighed with understanding and relief. The book Free Range Kids: How To Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts With Worry) is the bible of free-rangers and very popular with anti-helicopter parents.
Meet the mom behind the movement.
Suite 101: You wrote a column in the New York Sun about letting your 9 year old son take the NY subway alone- and you received sharp criticism. How did you handle this?
Lenore Skenazy: Different ways. At first, I was just sort of stunned. Within two days of the column I was on The Today Show, MSNBC, FoxNews and NPR. And what really threw me for a loop is that all the off-camera folks – the makeup people, the cameramen – were telling me these really happy stories about when THEY were kids and how they played outside and made up their own games.
And then the cameras started rolling and there I sat: “America’s Worst Mom” for letting my kid do at age nine what all these folks did when THEY were nine. And to be thought of as not only a lazy mom but an EVIL one for raising my kid the way my mom raised ME left me kind of shaken. I told my husband that I didn’t think I could keep talking about this topic because every time I dared to say that I thought kids today are pretty safe, I got jumped on by someone asking me how I’d feel if my child was raped, killed and (for good measure) dismembered and possibly eaten. As if they thought I’d shrug.
Suite 101: Please talk about the Free Range Movement
Lenore Skenazy: It’s really just an old-fashioned, common sense approach to parenting in these overprotective times. It’s not negligence. It’s not, “Give them a raft and see if they can make it down the Mississippi.” No one is even required to take a subway ride! Free-Range parents teach their kids a lot of important things about safety – how to cross the street, how to ride a bike safely, how talk to strangers but not go OFF with strangers.
And gradually, as we see our kids paying attention, we let them start having more and more freedom. We know that the more street smart they become, the more confident and self-reliant they become, too. I hate having to justify a plain, old happy childhood with facts and “studies.” but kids who have to make their own decisions and demonstrate responsibility and deal with some minor risks are developing more “executive function” than the kids who have everything done for them.
Suite 101: How has your book Free Range Kids been received? The good and the bad?
Lenore Skenazy: People who read it say two things:
- It made them laugh (which is great! I used to write for Mad and Cracked and never set out to be an advice-giver.) And
- It helped them relax.
When my best friend read a pre-publication copy and let her kids – then 11 and 13 – take their first bike ride in their safe, suburban neighborhood without HER, I knew the book was going to be hit. Because it actually changes people!
People also like the fact that there are three levels of tips in it:
- Free-Range Baby Steps,
- Brave Steps
- Giant Leaps
So if they just want to stick a toe in the whole idea, it’s easy. Like, simple tip: Leave your cell phone home for a day. That way your kids can’t call you to decide if they should do their homework first, or if they can get a snack after school – simple little decisions kids used to make on their own that they’ve handed over to us. And I should know: My older son, when he was 10, called me to ask if he could have another piece of banana bread for breakfast! Not a beer – a piece of banana bread!
Suite 101: What has the transition from newspaper writing to online writing and blogging been like for you? Similarities? Differences?
Lenore Skenazy: When I blog, I make more references to other people’s essays than I usually do in my newspaper writing. There’s a whole lot of linking going on. But I think my 20+ years as a big city reporter/ columnist at the NY Daily News and then the NY Sun are what make my blog pretty strong. I do real reporting.
Suite 101: What advice do you have for moms who want to take the bold step to raise their kids to be more independent?
Lenore Skenazy: Try to think back on your own childhood – the moments you loved, or that made you the person you are today – the ones you wish your kids could have, too. Then: Think hard about the fact we are in the middle of a historic 30 YEAR DROP IN CRIME! And then think: Maybe I can give them the same kind of childhood my parents gave me!
Read more of the interview with Lenore Skenazy at Pajamas and Coffee.
Mary McCarthy - Mary T. McCarthy is the blogger at pajamasandcoffee.com and Editor of Chesapeake Family magazine.
